Leah is at the age where I can hug her while she stands and supports her own weight. I noticed it the other day while folding laundry.
Laundry. It has always been one of my least favorite chores, but I’ve been trying a gentle reframe that has changed my attitude about it.
What if I approached laundry with reverence? What if I only kept apparel that I love to wear. What if it’s okay if each household member has vastly different wants and needs when it comes to their wardrobe collection, and I let go of assigning meaning to that?
The irony isn’t lost on me. That I rehomed the rug I purchased to personalize the private corner office of a then-dream job to the laundry room. What if I had unwavering faith in my decision to stop working for stay at home momming?
My faith has wavered over the months. I have waffled and I have wavered. But deep down, in my core of cores, in my heart of hearts, I knew that my intuition would not lead me astray. Not really.
Remember that CD I wrote about a few posts back? Well, lately Kol Ha’Olam Kulo is Ben’s favorite track.
The whole entire world
is a very narrow bridge,
but the main thing to recall
is to have no fear at all.
***
The other day I turned the ignition key, shut the engine off and parked the car outside Target. “We’re going to try something new, Ben. We are going to pray.” I felt slightly silly, but it also felt like the entirely right thing to do. We put our hands in prayer. I went first.
“Dear G-d, I pray my children behave in Target. I pray I find everything on my mental list, and that I do not forget any items. Coffee. Refill cleaner for our spray bottles at home. Baby wipes and baby food. Milk and eggs, since we’re here. I pray that we are blessed to afford what we need, be grateful for all we have, and not to be tempted to buy things we do not need. Amen.”
Ben’s prayer was short and sweet. “I pray we have fun in Target and mommy gets me a toy.”
We agreed before leaving the car that instead of a new toy I would get him a pair of gardening gloves so he could help me better with weeding the yard. He was as excited about a glove purchase as a toy purchase, bless him.
We did our new car prayer ritual the next day, parked outside of preschool. I think it is one of my new favorite activities, even if it feels a little goyish. I like thinking about how the things I pray for, my heart’s desires, are in alignment and in accordance with G-d’s will. That there is a higher reasoning for wanting what I want. I like this reframing of desire.
***
In Balak, G-d will not allow the people to be cursed. They will only be blessed.
Numbers 23:12 “I can only repeat faithfully what the Lord puts in my mouth.”
Next time I feel cursed, or hopeless, or lose sight of my definite chief aim, or wonder why I want what I authentically want, I will try to remember these lessons from Balak. I will count my blessings.
Shabbat Shalom, friend :)
P.S. Challah for Jon’s colleagues/house guests in town for the World Championships! What a crazy few weeks!! Treasuring every few minutes with my husband; they’ve been so rare! He and his team are working so hard, the least I can do is make a yummy challah to share.
Shabbat Shalom, friend.